It’s been an interesting week. I’ve discovered a whole new world of whiffs I didn’t even know about, and have seen plenty that makes me wonder. And human tells me that hundreds of people know who I am (I’m not sure of the point she’s making). Picture the scene. It was Wednesday lunchtime. All the humans were out except tall human. He put my harness on, and my string, and opened the door. He immediately stepped back inside. He may have just forgotten something but I was worried that he’d lost his mind, or worse – changed his mind, so I slipped off my harness and took myself for a lovely walk instead. Yes, I admit that was an over-reaction, but I panicked. Ok?
I decided I was tired of the whiff of the park and went in search of some new whiffs. I ran. I realised perhaps that it was a good plan, as tall human was soon running along behind looking thrilled at the new direction our walk was now taking. He was calling my name and doing quite a fine job of keeping up. But those poor humans don’t have nearly enough legs to run properly, and he was soon unable to keep up.
The rain was pouring and a this made everything have a whiff of wet and pungent. Pungent is in my top ten whiffs.
Soon I was seeing things and hearing things I’d never experienced. There were plenty of people around, but they were all travelling around even faster than me, in big boxes on wheels with sofas in them (humans like to sit down). They do well not to bang into each other.
Now, I’ve made an interesting observation. Actually, I’ve made two. The first is that all humans, with very few exceptions, like to run around with me. I ran here. I ran there. I ran everywhere. And wherever I ran, humans would try and run alongside me. Sometimes one. Sometimes large groups. Some were slow, so to give them an extra chance, I’d double back and then slow down a little, but once I could see that they had the hang of it, I’d return to normal speed.
Now for my second observation. Humans arrange their shops in groups according to the first letter. While I scampered from one side of the road to the other, I noted Homebase, Home Bargains, Halfords, Harvester and Hobbycraft. Someone needs to have that awkward conversation with Maplin as they’ve got the wrong address. Funny business.
Well, after playing hide and seek with more humans than I care to whiff, I grew a little bored. Tall human was nowhere to be seen. Which was odd.
I walked for a while to give him a chance to catch up. But he didn’t. The rain wasn’t getting any better, so I carried on walking, as I didn’t want to put my bum down on wet ground. I walked. And walked.
I walked some more. I decided I didn’t like hide and seek. Maybe P would be more fun? (Pets at Home immediately interests me…PoundStretcher…not sure…but I’m happy to try it)
Well the game came to a natural end. I stopped hiding, but I started to wonder if everyone had also stopped the seeking part. Eventually, and by that I must remind you I AM a dog so I can’t even begin to give a time, but later (definitely not earlier) I found a resting place. Because I thought it was appropriate (sticking with the alphabetical theme), and perhaps a clue, I chose Heron Way as my resting place.
It got terribly dark. I grew terribly hungry. I’ve usually had a bowl of whiffy casserole by the time it gets dark. How curious. I started to seriously doubt the future of hide and seek. I think there’s a lot more fun to be had with a stick, just for future reference.
I refer you to my earlier comment about time, and that I’m a dog, but I would suggest, breakfast would normally be forthcoming by now, that it was the next day. This was no longer funny. In fact, on reflection, it had stopped being funny around the time I realised tall human wasn’t keeping up.
I think more hours went by. I’d run out of places beginning with ‘H’ so until I could think of anywhere I choose to stay put. Hungry begins with H.
There was a garden near Heron Way that looked a bit like mine. I sat in it. Hungry and damp and tired. Between long blinks as I wondered whether to go to sleep, I finally heard human and tall human talking. Funny business. I jumped up, and dashed through a gap in the hedge (ooh ‘H’) and there they were. And they had hotdog. Hotdog. This H thing is weird now. Make it stop.
Well I have to say I have never imagined how wonderful it would be to get to the end of hide and seek. We went home. The small humans shrieked when they saw me. Human cried a bit, and let me get closer to her face than usual. Obviously they can’t stand the game either.
Happy ending begins with H.